Ok, I was supposed to have a part 2 to blog about...the mind cafe...and Miss Val was so nice to tell me that I spell words like mind cafe and timbre wrongly hahahaha...cos she doesnt want people to laugh at me...hmmm...

Anyway, somehow, I am quite emotional today..about a saying which says humans, being confused animal...I think I totally agree with this saying completely today...and so, I shall put aside the mind's cafe and talk about something else today...

Well well well...as people who knows me know, I hate my school like hell, till now, I still hate it...cos its a crazy course...and the course, is so difficult that I really wonder if it is intended for humans some times *shrugs* Out of the 6 sems in NTU, cos I spent 1 sem doing IA, I dont know shed how many tears...and every sem without fail, I feel more and more demoralised...and I curse and swear...infinitely hahaha...for choosing such a torturing course...in fact, this is also a place that made me realise that there are some things in life that we are totally not capable of...

I have to say that my poly days were quite a breeze as compared to uni days...in a way that I somehow became complacent..as in, I took it for granted...for my smooth sailing life, thinking that, as long as u work hard, things will be fine...NTU taught me and show me that well, it doesnt seem to be the case...

Actually I can still tell u that I really hate the course la hahaha..cos it made me cry...I could have quitted like 2 yrs or even 3 yrs ago...but...I have a task to complete...that is...to obtain this degree which was like my dad's wish la...and its also something that pushed me on these years...but I really really really really really feel like giving up! Cos I couldnt take the mental stress anymore..n like I am going crazy those kind....this kind of feeling totally sucks to the max...

At the same time, the silly stupid me thought that going IA will be a good getaway for the moment...but I was so wrong! Cos i met a stupid man...who made life more miserable outside school...and it makes me really turn off with engineer guys...and...it makes me hate the feeling of working in such an environment...that I dont ever wanna be an engineer...cos I am so sure that I am just not one of them...

Other than that, life in NTU has also proofed to me that I am a super gu luo gua wen person...I dont seem to know any new happenings...about world news...things that everyone ought to know...especially being an undergrad...and having friends who discuss such issues over lunch or what soever....I feel like a stupid dumb dumb...or rather...a fork in a pool of spoon...cos I am so different from them...i only know what is the latest music...the latest entertainment news and etcs...and my past time is listening to music, singing, writing stuff, analysing lyrics...which i guess sounds totally lame to these people ba...n its them that made me realised that hey, there is something which i have strong passion in...MUSIC!! cos even though no one is there to talk about this with me...i am still at my own comfort zone, doing things i like...just that i feel very ostracised(dont know if i spell correctly hahaha) sometimes..or most of the time...to be exact, i dread every single day...especially this semester..where the sem is coming to an end...i even suspect if i can really graduate...(still suspecting now..cos results is nt out yet hahaha)...

After much struggle, exam is over...fyp presentation over...everything isover today...at least for now when exam result is not out...but guess what? i am not really as happy as i thought i would be...instead, a tinge of sadness swept over me...like...what the hell? why am i feeling this way??? N i suddenly i will some of the nice people there...like Prof Yow...Prof Zhang Jun...n suddenly, i feel that my examiner Miss Wong is nice too...like wow...so many nice people in front of me...n i suddenly feel unbearable to leave this school...n i was wondering..why the hell m i feeling this way???i went through this same shit when i was in IA....not wanting to stay n suddenly not wanting to leave...madness...total madness hahahaha....

Ok, i am really very she bu de...for now...