Ahh...I haven been feeling sad for so long...the first time was like 5 years ago, where this Mr Tan left my life..and it left me sad...for quite a while..yes, my first relationship...

I have a Dad who is very optimistic about life..and who taught me to be optimistic...and he left us about 2 yrs ago, which made me very sad too...another point where I was really sad..but i told myself that I shouldnt be..cos he always want us to be happy go lucky..and to dispose all unhappy tots..and thats what I tried to do as well...

Without me realising...2years has gone...but I think I kinda lost the optimistic side in me...leaving me grouchy these days...anyway...hmm lately things been happening...my both grandma ill...and was busily visiting them while I juggle with my FYP and tuition assignments..not forgetting my part time job as well...so it was tired and more tired days...arghz hahahaha...FYP has always been a huge stress for me, and as u know and as u can tell, i hate FYP like hell hahahaha..

Anyway yesterday before i could start on fyp, someone called and said sin ming ah ma passed away..and i went to her house with mum and ida...so din manage to do fyp...wasnt v sad..cos i have to admit that i am not that close to her...but was sad..who wont be sad?! Anyway I din do much FYP so i tot maybe i can do it today...at the minute when i just settled down, someone callled, my uncle..and he said my tampines ah ma will go any time!!! I cant take it...really cant take it...though Sam( my uncle) said that I dont hve to rush down, but tell me, how can i concentrate! Sighz...so mmm i broke down...yes, finally broke down n cried hard for the first time...been holding back my tears for very long..cos i din wan my grandma to see that i am sad...cos i always give people a feeling that i am weak..so i need to look strong..for her sake..thats what i always thought when i visit her..there was a few times where i almost broke down..but i just hold it back...when i see her, i will laugh n say something stupid about myself although i am in fact very sad...cos i just want her to smile..and be happy...the reason why i am sad is because, I am quite close to her...and...she really remind me of my dad...:( and for the first time...i broke down in front of her..but she din see it, cos she din open her eyes at all...i see da gu busy taking video..and that upsets me...once a cute and happy ah ma, now lies on the bed...leaving us any time...life is vulnerable isnt it? I know we had to face such things in life..but its so so so so so so so so so so so so sad!!! :( I feel trashed!!!totally thrashed!!! :(

I am grieving...badly... what happen to 2 ah ma ? T_T